HayU Blog

This is a judgement free zone.  Pandemic parenting taxes us in new and horrifying ways.

So when we talk about screens, know that it comes from a place of empathy and support.  At this late stage in the COVID era, you’re not a terrible parent if your kids now have unlimited screen time.  You’re not a better parent if your kids have highly limited access to their devices.

No one gets to be right here.  And there is no perfect balance that works for all families.

Here’s what we know: 

1.       Some kids have a really hard time coming down from gaming and social media.  Others do not.

2.       Some kids still embrace free play and unplugged time.  Others need your help remembering how.

No matter how many hours of  blue light bathe your family on the daily (and nightly), we could all use some empowering tips about establishing screen-time balance this summer. 

Check out what Dr. Danielle Ramo recently shared in Psychology Today:

1.       Tech-intentional use wins the day.

Watching a high interest show as a family is not the same as your child sitting alone for hours, watching another child play games on YouTube.  Connecting with friends on social media or making your own content does not equate with binge watching TikTok videos made by others.

2.       Unplugging is not punishment.

If you’re going to have a no screen day or night, step up and make it fun with a family game night, a hike, or an intentional family outing.

3.       Walk the Walk.

Your phone needs to nest if you expect your kids to put theirs down, too.  If you don’t have a family charging station where all the devices can be ignored together, consider one for your kitchen. 

4.       Stay flexible about adding and subtracting screen time.

Some kids can handle more screen time because they’re balancing unplugged activities and eating and sleeping just fine.  They want some time away from you and screens can sometimes help.  Others may get more anxious and increasingly depressed if you don’t help them unplug when they can’t stop by themselves.

Hopelab is also doing some very exciting work to help teens and young adults be more intentional with their tech use. In a vital collaboration with Common Sense and the California Health Care Foundation, an allied team of researchers discovered that U.S. teens and young adults (ages 14-22) feel that social media has played an important role in keeping them informed and connected in the pandemic.  Depressed or not, many self-endorse that turning to social media as a coping tool has helped them get by.  Whether seeking health information access, digital health tools or mobile apps related to health issues like sleep, meditation or stress reduction, our young users are seeking their own solutions to feel better in the pandemic. 

Hopelab deserves its namesake.  They fill me with hope because great minds are working on behavior-change tech to help our youth improve their health and happiness. 

Besides, social media and gaming aren’t going anywhere.  Finding and practicing the art of responsible, balanced use is our only way forward together—family by family, user by user. 

Our friends at Common Sense shared some other fun tips about the Sneaky Science of  tech-induced obsession.  Parenting editor Caroline Knorr’s recent suggestions are already helping me make some great changes in our home.

1.       Ace the auto-play.

Beat the binge by turning off the default setting on Netflix and Facebook before you find you’re up past one in the morning again.

2.       Notifications are not noteworthy.

In general and app-level settings, turn off push notifications that increase anxiety and stress without promoting productivity.

3.       Dare to break your own streak if you can’t stop.

Login streaks and like backs (you like someone’s content and ask them to reciprocate) can fuel obsessive habits.  Some kids need a scheduled, sacred time to handle their online business, but only after they’ve taken care of personal hygiene and those ever-elusive chores they love to ignore.  Others need to end a streak to remember that life goes on.

It’s not too late to change your own screen habits, much less those of your loved ones.  Give yourself permission to experiment and embrace the fact that you’re going to get it wrong.  If it were a quick fix, you would have already found it. 

But even the most addictive tech can be hacked for the common good.  Together, we can beat the bots and reclaim the balance we once had.  Our children deserve it, and so do we. 

- Matthew Hayutin, M. Ed.
Founder & Partner, Hayutin & Associates